


Things Left Unsaid

by dorkery



Series: The Sweetest Summer [3]
Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Best Friends, F/M, First Love, Friends to Lovers, Makoto chooses Haru, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2013-09-09
Packaged: 2017-12-25 16:43:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/955408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorkery/pseuds/dorkery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An alternate take on "<a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/937304">Things Worth Mentioning</a>".</p><p>Haruka realises there are some things that have to be spoken aloud, because Rin is there, and Makoto isn't turning him away, and that's... not good.</p><p>Makoto chooses Haru.</p><p>(Fem!Makoto AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Another Perspective

**Author's Note:**

> I'll admit that I'm a sucker for the Best Friend OTP, and I've written all the relationships in The Sweetest Summer verse ambiguously. I could easily see Makoto going one way or another. So. This is her going another way.
> 
> It helps to read "[Things Worth Mentioning](http://archiveofourown.org/works/937304)" because the events in that story is the basis of this one; a number of things are going to be handwaved. However, because this story is from Haruka's POV, there will be a lot of divergence as we follow Iwatobi SC instead of Samezuka SC. 
> 
> I honestly didn't plan on writing this at all, but as I began plotting out the last chapter of TWM and watched Ep 9 of Free!... the Epic Married Gay just made it feel really inevitable. So uh, enjoy.
> 
> This can honestly be read in tandem with the original story, because it really only diverges at the end. In this alternate ending, Makoto visits and apologises, and Rin agrees to be friends, and she kisses his cheek apologetically and Rin forces himself to get over it. And everyone is good friends. WHEE!
> 
> I ALSO MOSTLY WROTE THIS FIC IN ONE SITTING AND FINISHED AROUND 3 AM. SO TIRED. 
> 
> If you didn't really catch any of that, here's the gist of it: **Alternate Ending: Makoto chooses Haru. Haru realises he has to tell her that it was never a matter of choice for him in the first place.**

At first he thinks it’s got something to do with Rin.

He can tell from the distant look on her face, the way she forces herself to smile, how her fingers absently toy with the hem of her shirt and picks at a loose thread (it’s a bad habit she has) that something’s made her feel… off. She stares ahead at nothing more often than not, focuses on something else so constantly that she’s been missing out on conversation after conversation, and it becomes so obvious that the others start to notice too. That Rin is in the corner of his eye when it gets worse had occurred to him as a coincidence at first, but now it’s too convenient and too frequent for him to be able to remotely consider it as just that.

It is very easy to blame it on Rin.

It is easy because this is the first time she’s behaved this way. She has never behaved like this before Rin, and like Haru, Rin brings out the best and worst in her. Right now he’s sure Rin’s brought out something inside her that is too big to contain and manifests itself as tears and sorrow. 

But the thing is; he notices she’s pulling away from _him_ , and Haru doesn’t know how to feel about it.

He wonders when this began, when she’d built this invisible wall up quietly between them. Makoto is a subtle creature, and even if she is honest at the best of times, she is dishonest at the worst of them. He wonders if she’ll tell him what’s wrong if it’s he who asks, and not Nagisa or Rei or Kou, but he knows better than to try. She’s the oldest of three children; of course she’s a practiced liar. But there are some things she just can’t hide, like the look on her face when she thinks no one’s watching, or the fact that her lies are paper thin no matter how many times she repeats them and wills them to be true. She is not okay. He doesn’t understand why she has to pretend like she is.

It’s worrying. He doesn’t like how she comes back to them with watery eyes and a wavering smile. He doesn’t like how she tries to say that nothing happened when something so obviously _did_. Most importantly, he doesn’t like how she’s not telling him what’s _wrong_. What can he do to fix this? Who does he have to threaten to make it better? Because sometimes, when she’s preoccupied like this, when she is finally looking his way again, the look she gives him makes it seem like she sees something else entirely; not Haru, but something alien and faraway, and that is ultimately the worst thing he could ever imagine happening.

He tries small things, like a bigger portion of mackerel for her (she blinks owlishly and then smiles at him), and wordlessly removing the carrots from her bento and cleaning off his own (surprise and a barely contained laugh) and he knows she can tell what he’s trying to do, because she tells him so and thanks him for his concern. The conversation degenerates into the food-related likes and dislikes of the entire club as they finish lunch period on the rooftop, and by the time they head back to class, Haru sees that she is better, but also wistful. When he catches her eye, she smiles at him and, out of habit, he quickly looks away. He wonders why it’s hard to hold her gaze but he supposes it’s self-consciousness. He thinks he should have less of that. (He doesn’t care for much else so he finds it strange that he cares about this.)

The last thing on his personal list is buying her the ice cream she actually likes from the tuck shop down the corner instead of splitting an ice pop as usual. She’s running late from errands for Miss Amakata, and when he returns to the school with dessert in hand, she apologises for making him wait and says she has to leave with Kou, that Kou said it was Very Important. He stares after her back as she half-jogs past the shoe lockers and eats twice as much ice cream as usual as he walks home alone. He wonders if he’ll get a stomach ache (he doesn’t) and he wonders if she’ll text him before bed as usual (she does) but most of all, he wonders what Makoto had been doing, apart from Haru.

It is very easy to blame everything on Rin. And when Makoto is by his side the next day, better and pensive and smiling again, he knows exactly who is at fault.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Makoto is over the moon.

Her eyes are bright and her smiles are constant, full and toothy, and she’s sweeter and more indulgent than he remembers her being in a very long time. She loops her arm around his, smiling at him so sincerely that he doesn’t feel like pulling away or making a face, and that makes her squeeze it in happiness. He’s used to the staring by now – six feet-tall girls cuddling up to a five-something guy was something that generally got attention – and he’s relieved in such a way that he’ll let it go, will spoil her this once, because she’s been upset, and although he’s never liked how clingy Makoto could get, he realises it’s the basis of their friendship and he can be okay with it if he so chooses. He prefers her this way, clingy and open and affectionate, and it feels like everything is right again.

Only, something is off. Not with Makoto, but with himself.

He _is_ happy that she’s happy. He’s relieved, in fact. But still, something isn’t adding up, and if there’s nothing wrong with her, then he concludes that something must be wrong with himself.

Haru is many things, but dishonest is not one of them.

It feels foreboding, like there is a storm brewing in the horizon, and he wonders if that’s what she sees in her smile when she talks about a swimming competition near the Iwami marina and doesn’t talk about the day she’d spent with Rin. He knows she’ll tell him if he asks, but part of him isn’t sure it’s something he should be asking. He wonders if she’s sparing his feelings. She does that. He doesn’t like it nearly as much as he feels he should.

It bothers him.

  
  


* * *

  
  


They have a conversation:

“I know you’ve been meeting Rin.”

She pauses, shocked, “W-What…”

“You don’t have to hide it from me.”

“I’m not really… It’s not….”

“It’s up to you if you want to or don’t want to talk about him, but it’s not something you need to hide.”

Makoto falls silent, bites on her lower lip. She hesitates. 

“You found out, huh?”

Haru doesn’t dignify that with a response. They’ve been together long enough for him to know her in and out.

“We’re… we’re ironing things out. Or at least, trying to. I want us all to spend time together again, like we used to. Maybe… Maybe that will make things better again.”

Haru says nothing.

  
  


* * *

  
  


He doesn’t want to go.

He doesn’t want to go.

He doesn’t want to go.

  
  


* * *

  
  


He goes.

Makoto asks him to go, so he goes. Nagisa promises him mackerel for lunch and dinner, so he goes. That band Makoto’s been plying him with that he rather likes will be playing, so he goes. Rin will be there, so he goes.

Fact is, he thinks about what Makoto said.

Maybe he mentions it, maybe he keeps it to himself, but Haru remembers thinking: Maybe this is good for Rin. Maybe this is how Rin can come back. Maybe this is how things can get better again. Maybe this is how they can be better again.

And maybe, just maybe, Haru forgets that naïveté is one of his biggest flaws. 

He’s anxious and wary simultaneously as the park fills up with people, and he and Makoto spend an extra ten minutes looking for the right entrance until they run into Nagisa because this isn’t an area any of them were used to, but the truth is he’s looking at her from the corner of his eyes and notices Things, like: The pins in her bangs, the little bun at the base of her pony tail, the skirt he’s never seen in her wardrobe before, the blouse she loves to death, the necklace and bracelet that she had gotten on her birthday, the smudge of gloss on her lips, the faint scent of perfume, and the way her eyes shine as she sees a slouched figure across the way.

Her steps are light, and she is so happy, full to bursting with happiness, and then, Rin catches his eye.

Haru is rooted to the spot as he remembers.

He remembers a lot.

  
  


* * *

  
  


An old conversation:

“This is really unusual,” Coach Sasabe says, scratching the back of his head, “Even if it’s true the number of boys and girls don’t really tally up, there are a lot who aren’t participating in the relay.”

“ _Please_ ,” Rin begs up at Coach, palms together. Makoto and Nagisa are by his side, looking equally pleading, “It _has_ to be Tachibana!”

“We’re _friends!_ ”

“It’s a final favour, Coach!”

“I don’t like bending the rules too much, kids,” Coach frowns, “I’m sure you can find one more boy, and Makoto can join a girl’s team.”

“No,” Rin gasps at him, “It _has_ to be Tachibana!”

“We don’t want anyone else!”

“We’ve been training so hard together!”

“She’s better than any other boy!”

Coach isn’t budging. Makoto looks almost defeated, and she lowers her hands, on the brink of hanging her head.

“Our physique is still about the same!” Rin insists desperately, “The all-boys and all-girls teams are to account for the difference in body type, right? If you think about it that way, we technically have a handicap! We’re the same until we hit puberty!”

“Oi, where’d you learn something like that?” Coach looks impressed and intimidated, but faced with three pleading faces, he finally relents with a sigh, “Okay, look, I can’t promise you anything, but… Let me talk to the other coaches, and we’ll see what they say. Just… don’t get your hopes up, is all I’m saying. Either way, it’s not like you kids can’t swim, right?”

Coach walks off. Makoto is on the brink of tears.

“Don’t cry, Mako-chan,” Nagisa says, wrapping his arms around her, “Things will be okay.”

“I wish I were a boy,” she sniffs.

“You’re fine the way you are.”

“If they don’t let me swim, who will be your fourth member?”

“I don’t want anyone but you,” Rin grumbles.

Makoto looks at him forlornly, “You don’t want to _not_ swim in the relay.”

They all fall silent.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” Rin finally says, shifting uncomfortably, because what she says is true.

  
  


* * *

  
  


An exchange:

The coaches gather up all the swimmers and brief them on the competition, which is happening in the next two weeks. Coach Sasabe is standing in the back with the less senior coaches, arms crossed. He catches their eyes and, in a brief moment of warmth, winks and flashes them a thumbs up. 

Rin and Nagisa and Makoto forget themselves and jump up, cheering. They are scolded for disrupting the meeting and are benched for ten minutes while everyone else dives into the water, but they take their punishment gracefully and all the coaches seem to understand why they can’t stop smiling despite everything.

  
  


* * *

  
  


One more memory:

Rin throws his arms around Makoto and Haru, and Nagisa comes running from the other side to make it into a proper group hug. They’re laughing and talking excitedly about their win, and Haru feels himself being swept away by the moment. Makoto is so happy she bursts into tears and kisses each boy on the cheek in turn. While Nagisa (giggling) and Rin (sputtering) turn red, Haru merely touches where her lips had pressed against his skin and finds it blooming in warmth and he smiles at them.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Rin’s eyes are hard and angry at him.

Haru doesn’t understand, not when all he can remember are good things, and as Rin storms away, Haru is already poised to chase after him. There is so much unspoken between them, between the challenges and the threats. There are things he wants to communicate but has no words for, things he has words for but cannot make Rin comprehend. He still sees disappointment and frustration in the curve of his back and in the gait of his walk, but he knows that there is a vast universe inside of Rin that no one has ever seen, that Rin himself doesn’t know about, but Haru has glimpsed it before and he wants Rin to know that it’s _there_.

Makoto’s voice is what stops him.

She calls after him, upset, afraid, wanting to run after him and that’s when he really _looks_ at her, starts piecing things together and understanding.

She looks like she wants to go, but also like she is hesitant to leave. Her gaze falls on Haru and Nagisa, expression shuttered, biting down on her lower lip, and eventually she re-joins them reluctantly. Although she insists that it’s okay, that she had arranged the outing and promised to be with them, he and Nagisa know her better. When they convince her it’s fine if she leaves, she runs faster than he’d ever seen her run.

It’s obvious now.

Makoto likes Rin.

  
  


* * *

  
  


It _bothers_ him.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Makoto is distracted, more so than before, but it lacks the distinct edge of sadness that had been plaguing her before; what she becomes instead is unsteady, and in some ways he feels that it’s worse. Her mind is constantly elsewhere and it makes her uncoordinated and clumsy and flustered. Her times suffer. Her concentration deteriorates. He worries because now, more than ever, she is not herself. He doesn’t recognise what is happening, knows only that she is thinking very seriously about something and that it is agonising.

Once, when she is at his house staring at the pages of a magazine but reading nothing, she does not answer when he calls her name. He kneels in front of her and touches her shoulder, and she looks up at him, and he realises it’s the first time their eyes have met in a long time. She must realise it too, because her face turns red and her eyes widen and her breath quickens. He feels like she is waiting for something, and aloud, he tells her that he’s made her a portion of lunch. In his head, he realises that that she’s looking at him differently. He’s never noticed it before. He hears her hold her breath and sees her quickly lower her eyes, and there is something else to her now that he’s never considered before. She’s never looked away. She’s always held his gaze and smiled. She’s _different_.

The way Makoto furtively glances at him when she thinks he isn’t looking makes him feel both full and hollow. He realises, somehow, he’s complicated things for her. She is thinking deeply about something to the point that it is changing her, and although he realises Rin is to blame, he is now completely aware that he factors into it too.

It bothers him.

  
  


* * *

  
  


It bothers him to the point that he can’t take it when Rin dismisses Makoto just like that.

Haru will not allow it, not when she’s been thinking so deeply and seriously about Rin. He snaps at Rin, the first time he can recall ever doing such a thing, and he stands in between them, trying to shield Makoto away from his words, and Haru suddenly feels more grounded than ever before. His blood is boiling and he is _angry_ at Rin for so many things he cannot articulate, but he is mostly angry that Rin is making Makoto this unsteady. He doesn’t deserve Makoto, not when he brings her to tears and rips away her happiness without a second thought. Haru remembers everything, her smile and her eyes and her perfume and her laughter, couldn’t forget even if he wants to, and he wants Rin to apologise and admit how wrong he is and to keep away from her if it means she will get better again unless he knows enough to stop _hurting_ her.

He must know she likes him. He _must_ know. There isn’t a person more transparent than Makoto, so he _must_ know.

Haru is desperate to wrench the confession from his lips, but then Makoto pulls him back and looks at him like she is disappointed.

Something inside him twists and aches and he feels himself go cold.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Makoto has changed.

  
  


* * *

  
  


A last minute event:

“Kou, will you please swim with us in the mixed relay?”

Everyone is shocked.

“I’m sorry to do this in secret, but I signed us up,” Makoto’s eyes are clear, her voice firm and commanding, she is the club captain and she has made a decision, “We’re behind in points because we can’t participate in as many events. We don’t have enough male members to form an all-men’s relay team, but the organisers have a mixed relay, which means two men and two women. We can still do this one event, but we need you, Kou.”

“ _What?_ I-I can’t,” Kou stammers, going pale, “I haven’t practiced, I can’t—”

“This is so sudden,” Nagisa interjects, looking equally worried.

“I’m sorry,” and Makoto does look sorry, but it is brief, “I know it is. I know it’s unfair and I know it’s selfish. But this is…”

Makoto looks frustrated.

“It’s my last chance.”

“Last chance?” Rei looks at her in worry.

“To swim a relay, with Haru and Nagisa.”

Haru raises his head and looks at Makoto.

“We’ll probably never see another mixed relay event again,” she explains, “They are rare, especially at our level. We don’t have enough boys or girls to form a proper relay team of either gender. This is most likely the last time I will ever get to swim a relay, especially with our current team, unless more girls join the club, which will probably only happen in the next school year. Even if enough join, we can’t be sure that we could even form a relay team.”

“But…”

Makoto looks crestfallen and forces herself to confess.

“I… I desperately want to do it; one more relay. One last relay. Please. Kou. Everyone. _Please_.”

There are no words that anyone can say to such an impassioned plea. Slowly the team turns to Kou, who looks to each of them in hope that they will give her the answer she’s looking for. She is the sole determining factor of whether or not they will race. Makoto gazes at her patiently, and Haru wonders what it is a testament to when he sees Kou swallow down the lump in her throat, clench her fists and nod once, though there is fear in her eyes and a subtle tremble in her lip. 

Makoto lets out a breath, shaky and relieved, and she flashes Kou a smile, whispering her thanks. Nagisa and Rei exchange looks and they murmur their assent.

“I’m sorry, Rei,” she continues after a slow inhale, “But I can’t sub out anyone but you. Experience-wise…”

“I understand,” Rei says in a clipped tone as he adjusts his glasses. Haru recognises it for what it is: It is his shield against the hurt, but he also _understands_ , and Makoto realises it because she reaches over and takes his hand and gives it a light squeeze. He pulls away after a moment, embarrassed but grateful, and they are fine. Makoto looks to Haru and, for the first time in a long time, her eyes are steady when they meet.

“Haru?” Her smile is tentative, “Please?”

There is no way he can say no to her.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Kou is inconsolable.

It’s a miracle they even manage to place, but Kou is Rin’s sister and they share a genetic need to pursue excellence. She blames herself for making the team lose out on first or second place, because the honest truth is that they could have easily won the relay had Rei been there with them. But Kou had swum the butterfly like her life depended on it, and no one in Iwatobi SC could ever find fault with her for that. She is in Makoto’s arms and Makoto does nothing but shush her softly and thank her and then she says something that Haru will never forget:

“You were wonderful, Kou. When you swam the butterfly, what I saw was Rin in our lane, and it was like we were doing that relay from five years ago all over again. Thank you, you’ve made me so happy.”

She says it like it’s goodbye. 

Haru thinks about it, a cold and indescribable feeling filling up his chest and making his heart throb and ache. He hadn’t thought of anything as he swam, focused only on the water and moving as fast as he could towards the sound of his teammate’s voices. He feels like he should have thought more; thought about Makoto, thought about Kou, thought about this final relay. He’s wasted it, he thinks. He’s wasted this final relay. They will never get to swim in the same lane again, and unlike Rin, it is not out of choice, but out of circumstance. It _hurts_.

It must show on his face, he thinks, because Makoto pulls him away when it’s just two of them alone, and she embraces him like she never has before. He holds her tightly and tells her he’s sorry.

He’s sorry.

  
  


* * *

  
  


They sit and talk, her hand in his. 

It’s been a while, he thinks. Things have been tense. It’s good that they can talk like this again, after so much fighting. They haven’t fought out loud, not really, but they live in each other’s heads that it’s just as tiring. Haru feels wrung out. Makoto strokes his hand gently with her thumb. He thinks about what they’ve lost. He thinks about what they’ve won. He thinks about the ocean.

Finally, Makoto talks about Rin.

  
  


* * *

  
  


He understands now.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Haru thinks he needs to clear the air, once and for all.

Rin has been avoiding them, this much he knew, but Haru _gets_ it, and he thinks, like Makoto has told him, that there are things Rin is misunderstanding. Haru _is_ sorry for the fight over Makoto, but he knows that, otherwise, he holds no grudge or resentment between them. There are things Haru doesn’t understand, things that have remained in his heart from five years ago, and he knows he’s broken their friendship somehow. He wants to fix it. He wants all of them to be able to move forward, unbound by anything.

He corners Rin in the cabin. When they talk, Haru realises something that he’d probably find amusing when not faced with a temperamental athlete with more muscles than he needed:

Rin has been worried about the exact same things that Haru has.

The exact same things.

It’s a relief, but then, Rin puts an idea in Haru’s head:

If Makoto had spent so much time thinking about Rin, why had she factored Haru into the equation?

  
  


* * *

  
  


Outside, Makoto shouts. He doesn’t think as he rushes past Rin to the edge of the boat and dives into the ocean. There is only one thing running through his mind, and it’s Makoto. From her name, to her face, to her eyes, to her hands, to her legs, to every moment they had ever spent together. He can’t swim fast enough, but he tries.

Haru isn’t used to seawater. It’s different from the pool, cold and rocky and pulling in all directions, but his mind is on one thing and only one thing, and he rushes to Makoto. She sees him, eyes wide and afraid and she reaches out for him desperately, trying to swim upwards, but the water pulls her deeper and deeper below, and he knows she’s caught. He dives into the current and holds her in his arms and swims all the way down, to the bottom, to escape. He feels her thrashing wildly in his arms the lower he goes but he whispers the apology in his heart and holds her even tighter.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Makoto won’t stop crying. She keeps saying his name, keeps saying she’s afraid he’ll fade away again. Again, again, again, like they’re children and the ocean is a river and Haru’s the one drowning.

He hates that she is held down like this. He hates that she attaches herself to him out of _fear_.

He hates how it’s Rin who gives her clarity; _Rin_ who sneaks in to be with her, who soothes her fears and aches and who makes her look at Haru, really look at him, with eyes that are calm and relieved and present. He takes her away from the past and reminds her that she isn’t powerless anymore, that neither of them are.

Haru hates it. Is grateful for it.

Because he understands. He really does understand. Rin is important to her in the way Makoto is important to Haru. Rin completes her in a way that other people can’t. Rin completes _Haru_ in a way Makoto and Nagisa and Rei and Kou aren’t able to. There are things that Haru can and cannot do for Makoto, and for that reason, he is grateful to Rin who fills the gaps and keeps her whole. He knows that Rin cares about her, and that’s enough for him. He thinks that Rin is clumsy at communicating, just like Haru, but in different ways, and he also knows that Makoto _understands_ that completely, which is why she has always been the conduit for all their altercations and collaborations. 

He realises, as Makoto twines her arms around him and buries her face in his chest, what Rin had wanted Haru to do when he’d told him to be more obvious and direct in his appreciation of Makoto.

He’d never once thought that Makoto hadn’t known about his feelings.


	2. An Alternate Ending

“Has it ever occurred to you to supplement your mackerel diet?” Makoto sounds as amused as she is exasperated, “Maybe some greens or tofu?”

“You take that back,” Haru deadpans, and is gratified to hear her laugh as she rummages through his fridge. 

“I know I put the curry I made in here, somewhere.”

“I ate it.”

“You did? When?”

“Last night.

“How did it taste?”

“Like curry.”

“It’s a miracle,” she smiles, rolling her eyes, and she emerges with some frozen beef stew her mother had given to Haru. She sticks it in a pot and heats it on the stove. As she stirs it idly, Haru comes to her side, leaning into the kitchen counter. He watches her hand move before he finally reaches out and gently catches her wrist. Makoto turns to him, a questioning look on her face, and he leans in, eyes lowered and lips parted slightly.

He stops a mere inch away and notes how she’s stilled completely.

“You’re not pulling away.”

“Am I supposed to?” Makoto finally manages to say, her voice unnaturally high.

“If you want to.”

Her silence is characterised by something like shock. Haru sighs through his nose and leans over to switch the stove off. He takes her by the hand and leads her across the partition into the living area, and sits her down across from him by the table. He’s not sure exactly how to go about this, because Makoto’s known his mind for a very long time, and to have to lay things out word by word is something he’s not ever had to do with her. He recalls how Makoto had always tried to guess what he was thinking, like it was a game, and the better she got at it, the less they had to speak. Haru realises he’s been selfish, but it’s hard to know himself when Makoto’s been so generous and giving but he also knows that he always tries to give back just as much as he’s received.

“You have questions.”

“Yes,” she manages, after a few false starts. She’s squirming while seated, looking at everything and at him and then wandering away again. She’s nervous, “Were you… trying to kiss me?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“… Is it?”

“Yes.”

She’s afraid of drawing the wrong conclusions. It’s strange to see her hesitating on this when all she’s ever done is draw conclusions, and rarely have they been wrong.

“It’s fine if you don’t want me to,” Haru finally decides on saying, “I don’t mind.”

“Haru, I… I don’t understand.”

“I don’t mind if it’s Rin you want. I understand.”

Her eyes are wide as saucers.

“The most important thing is that you are happy. If he makes you happy, then it’s okay.”

“Haru… It’s not like I’m unhappy. _You_ make me happy too.”

“Good. I shouldn’t be doing otherwise,” Haru says sharply, and then he shakes his head, because she looks confused. This is harder than he had anticipated, because sometimes Makoto is deliberately obtuse. 

“Are you…” Makoto hesitates, “Are you telling me to be with him?”

“I’m telling you to be with whoever you want.”

“What if… What if it’s…”

Haru inclines his head and waits.

“What if it’s you?”

“That is also fine.”

“I don’t,” and she sounds and looks frustrated, on the brink of tears, “I don’t want you to decide that out of _obligation_ , Haru. That’s not what I want!”

“Of course, it’s my obligation,” he says, equally frustrated, because she doesn’t seem to understand. Makoto shakes her head and he sees that she wants to stand up and leave, but he won’t let her. He reaches over and takes her hand.

“I don’t understand you, Haru.”

He sighs again, shaking his head. Haru reaches into the inner pocket of his jacket and pulls out a flashcard, scans it quickly and reads from it. His tone is without inflection and his expression remains bland, but he feels his nerves and he tries to will them away, suddenly afraid of looking Makoto in the eye.

“You dress up for Rin like you’re on a date, but not for me. Possibly because you are comfortable with me. Comfort comes from a long time of being together. Will probably be together for the foreseeable future. Have been told that we are an old married couple. If I had to choose between being with you and not being with you, I want to be with you.”

Makoto’s hand squeezes his and he glances up briefly, out of habit. Her face reddens. He realises this isn’t the usual route someone takes when trying to persuade someone to choose them. Haru clears his throat and looks at the card again.

“I can cook (“Just mackerel,” she mutters) which is supposedly popular, therefore an asset to us being together. I already cook for you whenever I can, and vice-versa. When you’re afraid of something, I’m there for you to bother about it. I don’t like how others take advantage of you,” Haru suddenly takes an aside, looking away briefly from the card, “I do that too, actually. I need to fix that.”

Makoto interrupts him, pulls away the hand reading the card. He meets her eyes, feeling tremulous.

“…what are you trying to say, Haru?”

“Aren’t we,” his breath comes out in a huff, irritated at himself for not being able to express his feelings right, “Aren’t we already together?”

Makoto is frozen, the blush on her face slowly spreading so that she’s red from head to toe.

“Haru,” she half-whispers, “You’ve been thinking that all this while?”

“Yes.”

“I never knew—”

“I know that now. I didn’t realise. Hadn’t realised.” His mind was always miles ahead. He'd forgotten to tell her.

She covers her cheeks with her hands, “You… like me?”

“Always have,” he says, and he realises what a relief it is to say it aloud, finally, finally, finally.

There are tears in her eyes, and Haru quickly glances at his flashcard again. It says: _Kiss during a lull in order to emphasise sincerity._ He quickly leans forward and kisses her deeply, hands on her shoulders. She’s laughing into it and wraps her arms around him, and his stomach is in knots.

“Who,” she says, when they break apart and she collects herself enough to speak, “Who put you up to the flashcard?”

“Rei.”

She laughs harder, “I should have _known_.”

“I’m supposed to tell them the outcome so they know whether to throw a celebration or pity party.”

“Oh my _god_ ,” she covers her face completely, and he’s going to have none of that, so he moves them away and pulls her in so he can kiss her again.


End file.
